Saturday, 27 October 2012

Woodwork Class (2012)

In today’s woodwork class, you’ll be building a pencil case. I have given you all instructions to follow. Up the front here are the wood and tools, so when you’re ready, let’s get started!

*All the kids rush up the front and frantically gather all the tools and supplies they need, before heading back to their bench*

It looks like you’ve made a good start here Steven.

Price: Thanks. I made one of these a few years ago, it was really easy. Wayne showed me how it was done.

Speaking of Wayne, how are you doing there?

Bennett: I forgot.

Forgot what?

Bennett: How to build this thing. I know there’s wood involved and some other stuff. It was all so clear to me before class started, but now … I just don’t know …

Where are the instructions I gave you?

Bennett: I just don’t know.
Smith: Why don’t you get your fatty friend to buy you some new instructions?

Brian, that’s not very nice. Now let’s have a look at your progress.

Smith: I’ve finished! See, it flies really well too!

Brian, you are supposed to make a pencil case, not a paper aeroplane!

Smith: Ohhhhh! I was wondering why everyone else was doing it wrong.

Focus Brian. Now, what’s all this fuss over here?

Hasler: Nothing
McLennan: BULL! You stole my stuff!
Hasler: No I didn’t.
McLennan: Well someone did, and you’re the only one who’s finished already!

I must say Des, that is a magnificent pencil case you’ve made there, easily the best I’ve ever seen.

Hasler: No it isn’t. Craig’s is better
Bellamy: No way!
Bennett: Dessies is easily the best. Teachers pet!

Okay boys that’ll do, now how is ……
*interrupted by a loud outburst*

Kearney: I can’t do this, it’s too hard! I’m going home! *storms out crying*

Oh dear, what dramatics! Now what’s going on here, why haven’t you boys started building yet? Geoff?

Toovey: My mum says I’m not allowed to use the saw, but my dad says if I don’t I’ll be a sissy.

I’ll have a word with your parents. Now Neil, what are you doing? Why aren’t you building?

Henry: I’m just cleaning up these bits of wood so that they match the other pieces. This one gave me a splinter, this other one had a crack in it, and this one was just old and needed cleaning.

Okay, but don’t waste too much time doing that. Now Ivan, why are you eating?

Cleary: I swapped my wood with Shane in exchange for his sandwich.

How are you going to make a pencil case with a half-eaten sandwich?

Cleary: Oh … err … um … I didn’t think about that.

And John, where are all your supplies and tools?

Cartwright: I couldn’t get any.

Why not? There’s plenty there.

Cartwright: Daddy said he can’t afford it.

Oh I see. And Anthony, you haven’t made a start yet either, what are you doing?

Griffin: *speaking to himself while looking under the bench* … it was here last class …


Griffin: Sorry! I’ve lost my hammer. I had it here last lesson. I can’t nail it all together without it.

Furner: Oh Fiddlesticks!

What’s the matter David?

Furner: I’ve accidentally glued my nose to the hammer and I’ve nailed my hand to the saw handle.

WHAT?! How did you even get glue on your hammer?

Furner: I think Tim did it. He said he was trying something different. An honest mistake I’m sure.

Tim, what is the meaning of this?

Sheens: Ah yes, I was trying to use the hammer to close the glue bottle. Had a bit of an oops.

I’d say! Now what is this that you’ve built?

Sheens: It’s a pencil case. Obviously, there’s been some issues. Shane took some of my pieces …
Flanagan: No I didn’t! I asked if you wanted them and you said ‘no’.
Price: He said the thing to me too, and then snatched the piece back after he said I could have it.

Ok boys, settle. Tim, what are you doing?

Sheens: Well I’m trying to staple this bit of glue onto this sticky tape here and I reckon that’ll hold it all together.

What’s wrong with following the instructions?

Sheens: I don’t need instructions.

Okay. Shane, I see you’ve finished. It’s a bit motley, but still looks very good.

Flanagan: Thanks
Monaghan: Mines better than everyone’s.
Toovey: It’s not better than Dessies
Hasler: Yes it is!

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