Thank you for all coming boys. Today we will be playing golf. The player with the lowest score wins.
Anthony: Oh good!
Kevin: Someone took my favourite club.
Surely you have other clubs to use?
Kevin: Yeah I guess.
David: I don’t like golf. I don’t want to play
Why? What’s wrong David?
David: My cat died, I’m too sad to play
You have more cats though don’t you?
David: I have 17 other cats, but this cat was my favourite.
Des: Oh shut up, you’re always sooking! WHY CAN’T ANYONE BE HAPPY FOR A DAMN CHANGE!!
Calm down Dessie. Where’s your clubs?
Des: oh…uuummm, they broke. I was having a practice and they broke when I put them in the bag.
How could they break?
Des: The wind.
Tim, what’s wrong with you? Are you okay?
Tim: I hurt my foot…
Tim: ...and my hand. Some of my clubs are broken too.
Are you okay to play? How did your clubs get broken?
Tim: Yeah, I’ll be fine. I have some spare clubs from the back of the shed. Some are left handed and some are right handed, but they should all work
You’re a trooper Tim.
Wayne: Over here. Just organising my caddie
Wayne: Yeah, Nathan insisted. He even has a golf cart for me to use.
You’re not using a golf cart, or a caddie.
Wayne: But I’m so much better than everyone else. Surely I can get some sort of privileges?
Sorry Wayne, you don’t.
Has anyone finished a hole yet?
Craig: I have, I scored a 2.
On a par 5? That’s impressive Craig, well done
Stephen: He cheated! I saw him hit the ball 9 times! It’s not fair! I only have one good club and he has a bag full.
Craig: No I don’t. All my clubs are average
Craig, you do appear to have too many good clubs. Give some of them to the other players
Craig: Here you go John; you can have my Big Bertha oversize driver. It’s the best club
John: WOOOOOW! I’m going to win today!
Matt, why haven’t you hit your ball yet?
Matt: I just can’t seem to pick the slippery bugger up! Does anyone have a ball that isn’t slippery?
Come on Matt, concentrate, it’s really not that hard.
Matt: But it is, it really truly is! I have no idea how you guys do this.
Now Neil, how are you going? You weren’t very good last year.
Neil: This game is sooo easy, it’s been years since I played this well! I got one of Craig’s old clubs and it’s working a treat.
That’s great news! Glad to hear you are enjoying yourself
David: Wish I could enjoy myself.
Stuart, how are you going?
Stuart: Okay, I’ve had 3 eagle puts in a row, but every time I had to use the putter, I’ve hit the ball another 4 times and it ruins my score. I think Craig tampered with my clubs, and the course, and ….
Okay, that’s enough of that. I haven’t heard from Brian or Ivan yet. Where are they?
Anthony: Brian was around the back of the clubhouse
What is he doing there. I better go find him.
Brian! What are you doing?
Brian: I was thirsty, so I wanted a drink.
You can do that with the rest of us
Brian: Yeah but then I needed to go to the toilet, but I couldn’t find it.
It’s out the front with a ‘TOILET’ sign on it.
Are you drinking red cordial?
Brian: No! It’s blackcurrant juice.
That’s red cordial! Did you tip that out here hoping I wouldn’t see?
Brian: No, that’s where I went to the toilet.
Right, you’re going back on the bus! Oh stop crying!
Brian: *sobbing*I’m not crying, I’m relaxed and happy. *sniff*
Ivan, what are doing? Why aren’t you on the course?
Ivan: I can’t play without Stacey
You have most of Stephen’s clubs, surely you can do something with them.
Ivan: They don’t work, they’re all duds
Just have a go. I’ll be there shortly.
Carty? Why are you still on the bus?
Carty: There was some young hoodlum down there and he scared me. Young people scare me.
I see you have Kevin’s favourite club, can you give it back to him?
Carty: No, I’m keeping it.
Why do you lot take something easy and make it complicated?