National Rugby ... Lesbians? (2011)

For nigh on two decades, the brains trust deep within the NRL media and marketing departments have been fixated, bordering on obsessed, with selling rugby league as a family sport.

Now it may come as a surprise to the brainwashed and deluded out there, but this is a completely misguided falsification of an abundantly obvious fact.

Let’s take a look at Exhibit A shall we.

Rugby league. It's a game that is fast, hard, tough, dirty and at times brutal. It requires all players to have physical and mental strength, power, speed, durability and athleticism.

It's played by rough blokes with rougher heads. It's so rough that the yanks consider it an extreme sport. Mind you we all know that they're a bunch of sooks.

This is simple fact and has been since 1895.

Where in that definition are the elements of family? There are no mentions of the wife who cooks, cleans and raises the kids or the kids who get on a bus to school, causing mischief to no end, or even of a father who works 9 to 5 all week at a factory to provide for his family.

Not a single mention, insinuation, assumption or even misconstrued understanding of family anywhere.

Now I would like to introduce you to Exhibit B.

Since the mid 1990's the NRL advertising shifted to a family oriented mindset and have since not wavered from that stance.

But this has caused a rise in another issue. Homosexuality amongst women in the same period of time has risen from 0.4 percent globally to 2 percent. Small figures, but a significant increase in contrast.

Because NRL players are made to be better groomed, well spoken and better behaved, they've essentially stopped being the rugged men they were and become metro sexual mummies boys which today’s women find much less appealing.

So the women opt to have relations with the only alternative available, other women.

But it’s not just the women going gay. Men too are following the trend. Previously confused men, unsure which way they swung, are now more easily persuaded to turn gay because of the NRL players appearances and behavior.

Essentially women are becoming more masculine and men are becoming more feminine.

And as the population of gay people increase, the number of babies being born decreases which in turn minimizes the number of potential rugby league players for the future.

Finally, we move on to Exhibit C.

The NRL has made obvious moves to promote the game and its players as emotional sensitive new age types. It all started with Thomas Keneally and his prose.

When did he play league? Since when is prose a blokey, man thing?

Does Mark Geyer ponce around reciting the works of Robert Frost?

Does Steve Roach regularly tell the world over the airwaves of his love for Kenneth Slessor's imagery of death in his poem El Alamein?

If that was not enough, soon after we had Luke Ricketson and Craig Wing flogging shampoo on TV.

Then we had the constant barrage of half arsed bands singing even worse rewritten versions of their scarcely heard 'hit' song.

Now, the NRL have signed up Bon Jovi to produce the next theme song. A band who peaked 24 years ago with 'almost rock' music, listened to by a largely female audience, most of whom are now in their early to mid 40's.

So to conclude, the NRL is embarking on a strategy which is essentially now only appealing to gay women in their mid forties. The world's homosexual population continues to rise, which in turn will potentially kill off rugby leagues once prosperous future.

And this tactic plays right into the hands of the AFL.

And they know it too. When the NRL announced the Bon Jovi agreement, all the poofs running the AFL all had to sit down to hide their excitement.

League fans, it's time we get this game back on the rails in the most serious way possible.

We need to get Metallica singing the theme song.

We need to bring back country week, when players could go on 3 day-long pub crawls with no media around.

Rugby League is a man sport played by men!

If a player does something bad, applaud them for being human for crying out loud!

Most of all let the players be men. The sooner they toughen up, the sooner we can straighten all this mess out.