Mad Monday - The Independent Commission (2012)

In February this year, after 18 months of negotiating, Rugby League in Australia finally got itself an Independent Commission to govern the game.

The committee is set to be the new governing body as the marriage between the NRL (the former governing body) and News Ltd (The parasites whose disregard for the game saw a bastardised version of it created, all but decimating near 90 years of hard work) comes to an end.

Its sole purpose is to be ideally, separate from the main competition, the media outlets and every other aspect of the game. A level headed adjudicator essentially.

And so we say adios to a bunch of newspaper businessmen running the game and move into a new era, where the game is governed by the following people:

- Company owner of Data#3 and 1972 Australian World Cup player, John Grant
- Company founder and chairperson of Harris Farm markets, Catherine Harris
- Company chairman of CSR, Jeremy Sutcliffe
- Chief Financial officer and executive director of Leighton Holdings, Peter Gregg
- Former Chairman of QANTAS and the Sydney Olympic Games Committee, Gary Pemberton
- Commentator, former test-player and owner of his own Management Consultancy Company, Wayne Pearce
- Brand Strategist, Ian Elliott
- Indigenous education leader, Dr Chris Sarra

Now I say this with absolutely no disrespect to the people listed above, but how much different is this new committee from that which previously ran the NRL?

6 Business owners/executives, a doctor and a brand strategist.

Another issue with this committee is the guidelines already put in place. Every NRL team has a voice in how the game is run, and rightfully so.

However, the CRL, NSWRL and QRL only have one voice each. These three organizations govern umpteen more teams and players at grassroots level than the 16 NRL clubs do. Essentially what we have here is the NRL clubs dictating how the game is run.

Over the past 14 years the NRL has failed to stand up and defend the game against the media, the disgraceful handling of the game by the primary broadcaster channel 9 and the AFL encroaching into Rugby League's heartland. Some NRL Clubs are struggling financially, players jumping codes for unheard of wages in Australian sport and players moving to England to compete in the Super League.

The whole time, the NRL was focused solely on business and how to make money while doing little listening at all to the hordes of complaints from clubs, players and most importantly, the fans.

The structure of the Independent commission appears to be following a similar path.

Just one simple example is the disregard for people who don't live near their teams' home ground.

A Melbourne Storm fan, living in Melbourne can buy a General Admission membership for $130, giving them access to 12 home games and the usual merchandise.

A Wests Tigers ‘Out-of-towners' membership is $110 and has the same quantity of merchandise and one home game ticket.

Yet the NRL and now the Independent commission has kept silent about this.

In Melbourne last year, channel 9 showed one Melbourne Storm regular season game, two Origin games, Melbourne Storm's finals appearances and a shortened screening of the Grand Final live (no pre-match or post-match shows, no telecast even of the awards ceremony). Every other game and every episode of the Thursday night Footy Show were shown near to midnight and went on through til the early hours of the morning.

The NRL did nothing about this.

And in Round 1, 2012, it happened again. And again nothing was said or done.

This Independent Commission is taking the game further away from the fans and grassroots rugby league.

At least it was possible to contact the NRL. Try and find contact details for the 8 commissioners above other than via their individual companies.

There needs to be a lot of work done and quickly by this new mob, otherwise the game will continue to be mismanaged by business people who have no idea how to govern a sporting organization.

Mad Monday - The Draft Debate (2012)

This week saw the signing of current Dragons player Beau Scott by Newcastle for 4 years, commencing in 2013.

This absurd signing is made less so by the fact that the Roosters last year signed James Maloney from the Warriors, effective in 2013 as well.

These are a string of mid-season signings that have brought about the ire of many a league fan over many years of late, so much so that it has raised the old issue as to whether there should be a draft.
Talks of a draft in Rugby League have always been quickly stopped by the NRL who simply say "Terry Hill", which has always been met with the same eerie silence as the term "Superleague".

In 1991, Terry Hill was drafted by Easts. He didn't like the decision and contested it in court, and won. The draft in Rugby League died and has never been back.

However the time is now right. The climate for a draft in 1991 was not right. Player wages back then were not that good, unless you were one of the few elite players. Everyone else had to have jobs outside of Rugby League. Just recently I saw an old game on TV between Norths and Wests in 1991. When they focussed on a player they had the usual player career stats as well as that players occupation.

An argument made today about the draft concept and why it shouldn't be introduced is because it means players won't be allowed to play for the team in the area they played their junior footy, or where they grew up.

At first look, its a fair call. But when you look a little deeper, you soon see that it is absurd.

Only 5 of the 16 teams have at least half of their 25-man NRL squads who played junior footy in the area of the NRL team they currently represent. Approximately 38% of NRL players are juniors of the team they currently represent.

Thus putting an end to that nonsense argument.

The NRL needs a draft. Player contracts were once iron clad, not so much legally, but because players were not interested in changing clubs that often. Now its such a frequent occurrence that it no longer matters to fans where a player comes from. Loyalty is a dying tradition which is why its celebrated so much more passionately now.

Bring in the draft, players are happily changing clubs all the time, even a year before their current contract ends. It will be better for the game and it would also help further even out the competition and make the most of all of the games juniors nurseries.

Rugby League and The Print Media (2012)

Just recently I read an unfavourable opinion piece about Rugby League in the Daily Telegraph newspaper written by Paul Pottinger, a man who writes car reviews no less.

Setting aside the contents of that article for the time being, I found the footnote at the bottom of the article to be the most contradictory load of rubbish that this alleged newspaper has ever sprouted about Rugby League.

“Paul Pottinger is Deputy Editor of Carsguide. His heretical views in no way reflect those of The Daily Telegraph, which knows that rugby league is the greatest game in the world. Miranda Devine returns next week.”

This raises several questions.

1.       If The Daily Telegraph “knows that rugby league is the greatest game in the world” why did they go to the lengths of getting a car reviewer who hates rugby league to write an article about how much he hates rugby league? The fact they printed his article in itself shows that they clearly don’t love the game at all, but it shows more than anything, quite the opposite.

2.       Why did several of my comments which I submitted the day the article was posted, identifying and correcting the many lies Pottinger created for his piece, were not published, despite them containing no foul language, no personal attacks on anyone, no libel remarks etc? It seems that the Daily Telegraph were adamant that they wanted to publish more comments agreeing with Pottinger’s fictional drivel. Why would you do that if you believe that rugby league is the greatest game of all?

3.       Why even publish a piece in the first place? Rugby League has had a quiet, trouble free off-season for the first time in a long time, and instead of being proud of that fact and being positive about the upcoming season, the Daily Telegraph decides to rubbish the game instead. Well I know why, because just as much as the Daily Telegraph proclaims to view rugby league as the greatest game in the world, it sells more papers if there is some scandal about the game in it. A scandal free off-season is bad for business.

The Daily Telegraph itself has been guilty of using Rugby League wherever it can to make ‘stories’ more likely to sell and appeal, but they aren't alone.

One very recent example is about the suspected murder of Newcastle woman Felicity Cook, allegedly killed by her husband Gavin Cook who then took his own life, reported in the Newcastle Herald.

The Newcastle Herald felt compelled to add Rugby League into this story when it had absolutely nothing at all to do with the incident in any capacity whatsoever.

Why do this?

The treatment rugby league gets from the print media is deplorable and despicable. It is akin to a father sending his favourite daughter off to be a prostitute.

"She’s a lovely girl and I love her dearly, but I love her more when I can exploit her and get money from her."

Would you do that to someone or something that you believe is “the best … in the world”?

This truly sickening piece of alleged journalism was capped off when the author felt compelled to add the man’s playing career (his highest achievement was reserve grade for Newcastle Knights some 16 years ago) to justify the irrelevant association between a horrible murder case which has orphaned two children, and a game that had no affiliation with the crime in any way.

Now, going back to Paul Pottinger’s opinion piece, who displayed in one short article why he should not be hired as a journalist.

His key facts, which he relies upon to justify his hypocritical nonsensical drivel, are in fact, poorly constructed fiction

Three times he tells us he doesn't hate Rugby League and that he prefers to ignore it - yet he writes this piece in possibly the highest circulating newspaper in Australia. That's not ignorance Paul, that’s very clear hypocrisy you idiot. I'd have thought someone who is a journalist (and deputy editor no less) would see this very clearly.

You've fooled some important people to not only get your job, but also to keep it.

But I digress. You go on to say:

"Beyond our eastern cities and one in New Zealand, some grimy towns in England's north and a few rustic French villages, rugby league does not exist."

Except for those tiny little places called Papua New Guinea, Lebanon, Italy, Wales, Scotland, Ireland, America, Canada, Russia, to name but a few, It has existed since 1895. In Australia the game became at the very least, just as popular as Rugby Union prior to the outbreak of WWI. The game was introduced to France in 1933-34 and it became more popular in the entire country than Union prior to the outbreak of WWII.

"Please - I implore you - don't use rugby league in the same sentence as "World Cup" unless you wish to be battered by force 10 gales of laughter."

There are a similar number of teams competing in the Rugby Union and Rugby League world cups as there is in the Cricket World Cup, why not raise that as well?

"Then there is the spectacle itself - 26 post-adolescents with hideously engorged musculature dressed each week in different livery, yet each of which somehow resembles a beverage can. These run in strict linear patterns until a mistake is made and one lot falls over the other's line. For this points are awarded."

Just like Rugby Union and AFL. Bundaberg Rum anyone? Even soccer teams are sponsored by Alcohol companies. Carlsberg anyone? Your single-mindedness has prevented your ability to be objective, rational and factual.

"When Balmain played Glebe in the 1915 grand final"

There were no finals at all in 1915, let alone a Grand Final. The season was first past the post, Balmain won 12 games and drew 2 (undefeated) and were declared premiers at the end of Round 14. This system had been in place for a number of years and continued that way til well after the War.

"young men were being sacrificed at Gallipoli"

Many Rugby League players from Australia, England and New Zealand (including test players) fought and died at Gallipoli as well as throughout WWI and WWII. The great Duncan Thompson served in both wars.

"The Queensland Rugby Union was unable to reform until 1929."

That says more about the strength and popularity of Rugby Union than anything negative about Rugby League.

"But it does strike me as a slightly anomalous note when the code wraps itself in the flag and has the Last Post played at its Anzac Day Test"

Because ANZAC Day is a nationwide tribute, of which even Rugby League players sacrificed their lives. You don't earn a right to commemorate, are you really this stupid? Seriously?

"I don't begrudge its right to exist, which is more than can be said of its attitude toward everyone else."

So you don't like its 'attitude toward everyone else' as you perceive it, in what has been clearly revealed as a small, uneducated, simple mind that relies on lies and moronic opinion than actual facts, yet you sprout this dim-witted vitriol. More hypocrisy.

You are a disgrace to journalism. You are a blatant liar. You are an idiot, I sincerely mean that.

When I studied journalism, we were taught to research our facts.

You must have been in the men’s room at the time. Your published work resembles what you would have produced that fateful day you were on the toilet instead of actually learning something.

Just a final tip - steer clear of opinion pieces on topics you clearly have absolutely no idea about, because someone above you will find out just how stupid you are and you will lose your job.

As for the Daily Telegraph, don’t treat your readers like they have the IQ of some of your journalists. We know when we’re being lied to and in the case of your alleged passion for the game; it’s abundantly clear just how much you love it.

When will you stop hiring gossip columnists to report on a game they clearly despise?

When will you hire someone who truly loves rugby league to actually write about it?

The newspaper has been on the nose with Rugby League fans for a while now, and with disgusting behaviour such as mentioned in this article, it’s no wonder.

And you’ll only have yourselves to blame when Rugby League fans go to another newspaper instead to get more reliable, accurate information about the game.

If the Daily Telegraph believes “rugby league is the greatest game in the world” why not prove it and show it? Where’s the rebuttal by a prominent Rugby League loving journalist/writer to Pottinger’s rubbish?

I dare say it’s in the same place as Pottinger’s best work mentioned above.

If you wish to read Pottinger's piece - it is here --> http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/opinion/rugby-league-is-not-a-sport-its-an-atrocity/story-e6frezz0-1226236785563

The First Maori League Tourists (2012)

Albert ‘Opai’ Asher was undoubtedly a supremely gifted athlete whose ability on the field was only surpassed by his dedication to further enhancing Rugby League in its infant years so that it could be more widely enjoyed, appreciated and accepted for future generations.

This passion wasn’t limited just to his local area either. Asher was one of those few legends of the game who put the benefit of the game and its future well before any personal on-field glory he could hope to achieve.

Albert’s ability as a player was so great, that at just 13, he was reported to have made his first grade Rugby Union debut for Tauranga against Auckland. At just 17 years old, Asher relocated to Auckland and in 1898; he made his first grade debut for Auckland as possibly the most experienced 18 year old athlete at the time.

In 1903, he was selected on the All-Blacks team that toured Australia. In 9 of the 10 games he played, Asher scored 17 tries, including the first try in the first test in Sydney, which New Zealand won 22-3.

In 1904 Asher’s career was stopped when he fell from a ladder while working as a fire fighter in Auckland. The extent of the injuries he sustained, mostly to his knee were debilitating enough to keep him from playing any sport until late in 1907.

The Injury kept from a certain place on the 1905-06 All-Blacks tour of England as well as the 1907-08 All Golds tour of England and Australia, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from playing, despite doctor’s fears that he would never play again.

In 1908 Asher became most well-known for the controversy-laden Maori Rugby League tour to Australia.

For many years it was rumoured that the Maori side arrived at Sydney expecting to play Rugby Union, but an impromptu team meeting as they disembarked their ship saw them change their minds and opt to play the new Rugby League instead.

This was later found to be false, as it was reported in local New Zealand newspapers in March that Asher had personally compiled a team that would travel to Australia, after receiving an invitation from the New South Wales Professional League.

This was supported by a report in the Sydney Morning Herald on March 14 which stated:

“It was stated that the New Zealanders would play five or six matches in Sydney and that there would be a Maori team as well…”

The Maori team set sail for Sydney aboard the Moana on May 25, 1908, with a squad of 26 players as well as 4 Maori chiefs. They were accompanied by Tom O’Farrell (a prominent Sydney referee at the time) who was elected as team secretary, with Albert Asher the leader of the touring party.

The Maori side were going to thrill, excite and amaze the crowds, not just with their on-field performances and the return of Asher, but also with war dances, Maori music, art and dances. Through this, the Maori players were confident that the tour would be a success, on the field and financially.

Sydney man, Robert McKethney Jack allegedly had been in correspondence with Asher regarding the organisation of games, venues and other events on the tour as early as October 1907. He sought 5% of the Maori gate takings from each match as payment for his services.

Asher though explained that while negotiations with Jack had been undertaken, no agreement had been settled upon when the terms of payment to Jack for his services couldn’t be agreed upon. Asher then decided to take up the organisation of the tour with the New South Wales Rugby League.

The Maori team arrived in Sydney on May 29, 1908, greeted at the Sydney docks by James Giltinan and Henry Hoyle. From there they were taken to St. James’ Hall for their official welcoming ceremony.

Having played little to no Rugby League at all, the NSWRL appointed George Boss, another Sydney referee, to help teach the Maori players about the new game.

The Maori tour started off in high spirits and great sportsmanship, athleticism and crowds. It was this great fanfare and attraction that would go on to be a great concern for the tourists. The first game on June 8 against New South Wales at the Agricultural Ground drew an estimated crowd of 30,000. The masses flocked so quickly that NSWRL president Henry Hoyle authorised the opening of another gate into the stadium. He however forgot to notify the Maori team management about the extra gate being open, thus they were unaware of the extra gate takings made on the day.

Hoyle stated that a gentlemen with whom he had the utmost confidence in, was looking after the takings on the newly opened gate. The Maori team though never saw any of the takings from it. They later went to inspect the counter on the extra gate to try and ascertain how much recompense they were entitled to, only to find that the counter had been removed.

The Maori team officials made it clear that they felt they had been cheated out of monies that they rightfully deserved, which angered Hoyle and NSWRL Secretary James Giltinan.

That first massive crowd also brought in another man intent on making money out of the tourists. The gate takings were so large for a first game, that Mr Jack felt compelled to try and claim monies which the Maori side believed he wasn’t entitled to.

After the second game drew a crowd of 20,000, the Maori squad believed that they could continue attracting large crowds if they could improve their on-field performances. This coincided with Asher announcing post-match that George Boss had been appointed as the team’s business manager, while still acting as coach. Boss accepted the position and immediately resigned as a member of the NSWRL Referees association.

During the third tour game, played against Sydney Metropolis, it was reported that Giltinan left the grandstand where he was spectating the game to argue with the referee about alleged foul play by the Maori players. It would not be the last of the hostile relationship between the two parties on the tour.

Newcastle was the Maori sides fourth opponent. Prior to the match, Asher told the NSWRL that he had chosen Aubrey Welch to be the referee. Giltinan overturned Asher’s decision, informing him that he must choose a referee from a panel of four officials whom he had personally chosen, which did not include Welch. Asher though refused to back down from his decision. Welch travelled from Sydney to Newcastle with the Maori team and with no time left to organise a replacement referee, Giltinan agreed to let Welch officiate, however he forced the Maori team to pay his wage for the game.

As the Maori players travelled north of the border, Mr Jack took their team management to the equity court to try and gain monies he felt he was owed from gate receipts. On the day of the Maori game against Toowoomba, Jack had successfully got an injunction against 18 Maori players, preventing them from receiving any money from the New South Wales Rugby League. The NSWRL assumed that this meant that the tourists were not to receive any monies from them for the entire tour until the case had been settled, contacted the Queensland Rugby Association and informed them of the matter.

Asher was made aware of this issue before departing Newcastle, so he decided to leave 10 players and the three entertainers in Sydney to save on travel costs. After the first game against Queensland, Giltinan was informed that there was no Maori people providing any pre-match entertainment or performing in any concerts after games. So he rounded up the remaining 13 Maori players and entertainers in Sydney and sent them to Brisbane. He then forwarded the bill for the travel to the Maori team management (who were now not receiving any monies due to the equity case against them).

The second game against Queensland drew the ire of locals when they learnt that the referee was none other than George Boss, the newly appointed Maori business manager. The tourists won the game 13-5.

By the start of the third game against Queensland, just eight days later, the Maori players had become very angry with the Queensland Rugby Association for not giving them their share of the gate receipts. This was the first time the off-field dramas started to show on-field. Prior to halftime, Asher had become frustrated with referee O’Connor’s handling of the game that he ordered his team off the field. They were eventually convinced to return to the field. Former New Zealand and Australian Rugby Union forward scored a try in the dying minutes for Queensland to give them a 6-5 victory.

The third game against Queensland was played at Warwick and was the scene of more intrigue when the tourists started the game with just 11 players (and finished with just 10 men on the field).

The game against Queensland at Toowoomba became a violent and wild affair. Asher was so angered by the refereeing, crowd and the opponent’s tactics (and most likely the issue with Jack) that during the second half he ordered his team off the field after the disgruntled crowd spilled onto the ground in an attempt to attack the tourists.

The Maori tour headed back to Sydney as it drew to its close in mid-July. They beat a Newcastle team in Maitland before putting in a splendid display against the Australian team (which was essentially New South Wales with the additions of William Hardcastle and Ernest Anlezark) but went down 20-10.

The Maori then played against Metropolis once more and trailed 13-0 at half time, but they put in possibly their best performance of the tour in the second half, scoring 34 unanswered points. These last two sterling performances saw the NSWRL hastily organise a second match against Australia before the final game against New South Wales. Negotiations were also underway to play a final game in Melbourne.

On the morning of the second game against Australia, Asher informed the NSWRL that they would not play because the League was withholding money due to players whom there was no legal injunction against. Asher had sought legal advice which confirmed that the NSWRL had broken its agreement with the Maori team management.

George Boss stated to the media the next day:

“The Maoris this morning decided unanimously to abandon the tour under the auspices of the League and an expression of interest led to the motion that a new team be formed to be styled the New Zealand Native Team, which will include several of the New Zealand natives residing in Sydney. It is thought that one or two matches could be arranged here and in New Zealand. At the present time it cannot be said whom we will play but we don’t anticipate any trouble in securing a ground or a team to play against us.”

The Maori team management put forward a proposal to play a 15-a-side game; however Hoyle, Giltinan and the Rugby Union opposed the idea, threating life suspensions to any players who took part in the fixtures against the New Zealand Native Team.

An almost shambolic match between the New Zealand Natives and the Sydney Metropolis game was organised, however the Metropolis team contained a number of Maori players loaned to them by the tourists, one player wasn’t even wearing shoes. Even the programs had different players named for Metropolis than those than took the field. The Maori side were resounding winners.

It was shortly after this game that Giltinan set sail with the first Kangaroos squad to tour England and Horrie Miller was appointed NSWRL Secretary. Miller immediately paid the fares home for the Maori team, much to the delight of the visitors.

In 1909, the Maori team returned to Australia and Asher returned to the courts to put an end to the legal wrangle with Robert Jack. Prior to their fourth game against Australia, Jack claimed that he was still owed £213 and issued a court order against Asher until the monies were paid.

The local constabulary arrested Asher. When the NSWRL heard of the ordeal they immediately settled the Maori team's debt with Jack (as well as an additional £121 owed to a Mr Marshall) so that Asher could be released in time to get to the game that afternoon.

Ironically, Giltinan, Hoyle and Victor Trumper (who was pivotal in the creation of the NSWRL) were all sacked after the massive financial disaster that befell the Kangaroo’s touring side to England in 1908-09, as well as allegations that Giltinan and Trumper had secret bank accounts containing monies belonging to the NSWRL (which was later found to be false). The Kangaroo’s return home was financed by the Northern Union.

Upon their return home after the 1908 tour, the Maori team wrote a letter to Horrie Miller, then acting Secretary of the NSWRL:

“We wish to convey to you our thanks and appreciation for your kindness to our chiefs and boys during their recent visit to Australia. We are specifically pleased at your assisting them home before the completion of their time, and bringing them away from possible trouble. They speak highly of the treatment received from you and your league; in fact, from the people of Australia. We are sorry to learn from our chiefs and boys that some of their party did not observe our good counsels.”

Maori 1908 tour to Australia

Date	Opponent	Venue	Result	Score
8/06/1908	NSW	Sydney	Lost	9-18
15/06/1908	NSW	Sydney	Lost	16-30
17/06/1908	Metropolis	Sydney	Won	23-20
20/06/1908	Newcastle	Newcastle	Won	15-2
27/06/1908	Queensland	Brisbane	Won	19-16
1/07/1908	Queensland	Brisbane	Won	13-5
4/07/1908	Queensland	Brisbane	Lost	5-6
6/07/1908	Queensland	Warwick	Lost	9-11
8/07/1908	Queensland	Toowoomba	Lost	14-23
11/07/1908	Newcastle	Newcastle	Won	30-16
18/07/1908	Australia	Sydney	Lost	10-20
22/07/1908	Metropolis	Sydney	Won	34-13

*Games against Australia and NSW to be played after the last tour game listed above were cancelled. A third game to be played at Melbourne was being organised but was cancelled due to the strike by the Maori team. An exhibition game against Metropolis played at the Sports Ground was won 32-17 by the Maori. This match was played under Union rules in the first half and League rules in the second half. It was also the last game of the tour (not listed above as it was an exhibition game).

**********************************************************************

Sources: Sydney Morning Herald, Courier Mail, 100 Years Maori Rugby League 1908-2008 by John Coffey and Bernie Wood

Genesis (2011)

In the beginning when Gallen created the heavens and the Shire, the Shire was a formless void covered in darkness. Then Gallen said, ‘Let there be light’; and there was light. Gallen saw that the light was good. Gallen called the light Day, and the darkness he called Kogarah. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.

And Gallen said, ‘Let there be a dome in the midst of the waters, separating the waters from the waters.’ So Gallen made the dome and separated the waters that were under the dome from the waters that were above the dome. And it was so. Gallen called the dome Sky. And there was evening and there was morning, the second day.

And Gallen said, ‘Let the waters under the sky be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.’ And it was so. Gallen called the dry land Shire (except for the wasteland he created to the north, he called St.George), and the waters he called Seas. And Gallen saw that it was good. Then Gallen said, ‘let the Shire put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed and fruit.’ And it was so. The Shire brought forth
vegetation: plants yielding seed fruit. And Gallen saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.

And Gallen said, ‘Let there be lights in the sky and a bridge on the earth to separate the Shire from the Kogarah; and let them be for seasons, days and years, and let them be lights in the sky to give light upon the Shire.’ And it was so. Gallen made the two great lights—the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the Kogarah people. Gallen set them in the sky to give light upon the Shire, to rule over the day and over the night, and the bridge to separate the Shire from the Kogarah. And Gallen saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.

And Gallen said, ‘Let the waters bring forth living creatures, and let birds fly above the Shire across the sky.’ So Gallen created the great sea monsters in Kogarah Bay and every other living creature that moves. And Gallen saw that it was amusing. Gallen blessed them, saying, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the Shire.’ And there was evening and there was morning, the fifth day.

And Gallen said, ‘Let the Shire bring forth living creatures of every kind: cattle and wild animals.’ And it was so. Gallen made the wild animals of the Shire of every kind, and everything that creeps around Kogarah. And Gallen saw that it was good and quite funny.

Then Gallen said, ‘Let us make humankind in the Shire in my image, according to my likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the Shire and over every creeping thing that resides around Kogarah’

So Gallen created humankind in his image.

People from the other side of Tom Ugly’s bridge – they were the scraps remaining that Gallen didn’t need. They existed for Gallen's amusement.

Gallen blessed the humans and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the Shire and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the Shire, including those weird looking things across the bridge.’ Gallen said, ‘See, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is upon the face of all the Shire, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. And to every beast of the Shire, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps in Kogarah, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food and long lasting amusement’ And it was so. Gallen saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

And on the Seventh day, Gallen beat Chuck Norris in an arm wrestle.

This is the word of our Lord.

Up, Up, Cronulla.

Off-Season? (2011)

Tis mid-November, summer is just days away, the thoughts of Rugby League start to siphon from my veins, being replaced by the cricket season.

It is some ungodly hour of the morn, my eyelids which must way all of a few grams each, feel like bricks, as I try to stay awake and watch Australia playing South Africa in the first test. It’s a game full of roller coaster moments for both sides.

But I fall into a deep slumber; I cannot resist the seductive lure of sleep.

My subconscious takes over. My brain longs for Rugby League but is also in some sort of equinoxical* battle with the normality of the beginning of the cricket season. I should have made the transition from League to cricket by now; instead my mind is in a limbo-like middle part.

I start dreaming up some weird fanciful things which certainly don’t help.

I open my eyes again and catch a glimpse of the cricket.

I see Ryan Harris running in to bowl. Just as he is about to start his delivery, striding forward with his front foot, getting side-on to generate as much as pace as he can, I close my eyes and picture Jacques Kallis, the batsmen at the non-strikers end, drop his bat, bends slightly and drives his shoulder into Harris’ exposed hip, pushing with his legs and crunching Harris into the turf, in a tackle that Nigel Plum would be proud to call ‘standard’.

I open my eyes to see Harris complete his delivery, unimpeded by Kallis’ shoulder. The ball is pitched in line with Graeme Smith’s pads. Smith flicks the ball down to fine leg. As Mitchell Johnson runs around to cut the ball off from reaching the boundary, I close my eyes again and see Johnson, scoop up a football one handed, a la Billy Slater, and make a dashing run through the players scattered all around the field, before running off to score a…..

I open my eyes again to see Johnson pick the ball up and casually lob it in to the keeper. I convince myself I should be fully embracing the cricket now. I try for another over to be truly analytical and concentrate hard on the game.

This just tires me faster. As Harris begins his next over, he pitches a ball up, and just as Kallis pushes forward to hit the ball through mid-off, I again close my eyes in yet another long ‘blink’. This time I envisage Kallis putting in a grubber kick behind the defensive line, he runs hard straight through the opponents and picks up the ball which has held a true line but is bouncing along erratically, he collects it and throws a Benji Marshall type no-look flick pass behind his back to Smith who runs away to score …… 4 runs, nice shot there by Kallis, nice straight drive down the ground.

This is doing my head in, I can’t do this! I surrender; I need to watch Rugby League. I lift my tired body out of the loving embrace of the lounge and dawdle to the DVD Cabinet and shuffle through the titles, looking for an all-too familiar DVD.

A-ha! Found it! The State of Origin 2009 series. I didn’t pick it for any reason other than it was Rugby League. This should satiate my appetite for Rugby League that my subconscious has seemingly been screaming out for.

I put the DVD on, take my place with the beloved lounge, and get the game started. I feel wide awake again, watching with enthusiasm as players smash into one another.

Soon however, the tiredness comes back. I begin to close my eyes just as Darren Lockyer is about to put up a bomb. As the ball is in the air it surprisingly morphs into a cricket ball and as it falls down, Ricky Ponting takes a catch at gully.

What the hell?!

I awake to see Kurt Gidley catching a ball after a QLD kick-off. He passes to Paul Gallen who catches the short gentle pass and starts to run at full pace towards the Maroons defence. My eyes close once again and Gallen turns into Ryan Harris, charging in to bowl once more.

I give up!