100 Years Celebration (2007)

For those who didn’t come down in the last shower, which in some areas, was a few years ago, you would know that Rugby League’s premier competition started in Australia in 1908.

And for those who learnt to count using a rock, you wouldn’t realise that the game is now 100 years old. This is cause for a bloody huge celebration.

So lets all get drunk!

Why get drunk? Because the flowing of the amber fluid instigates the flowing of ideas. Some of the best ideas have come from drunk men, such as bigger glasses for putting alcohol into for consumption, tying a bloke to a toilet that he’s passed out on and the splitting of the atom, to name but a few.

Now, it has come time for those great thinkers to come up with a grand idea for Rugby League’s 100th birthday in Australia.

So here to discuss the birthday, we have a panel of four drunk experts. They are Johnno, a drunk man who runs his own plumbing business, Bill, a drunk man who has retired and plays golf every second day, Smithy, a drunk man who works as a welder and Mick, a drunk man who runs his own drinking business.

Drinking starts at 6pm.

Interview starts at 11.47pm.

Mick: I reckon, what we gotta have, is something just like that first day. Every club wearing the same designed jumpers and stuff eh?
Bill: Bloody oath! I reckon they should also have the teams that played each other on that first day, line up against each other again on the centenary.
Smithy: Half those bloody teams aren’t even around anymore you idiot. Shouts to barman MORE BEER!
Bill: Yeah they are, we still got the bunnies and the roosters, who else was there?
Johnno: It says ‘ere that Balmain played Wests…
Smithy: Well that’s stuffed that idea of yours up Bill, they are one team now.
Bill: They’re still kickin in the lower grades, bung em on the telly for a game.
Mick: You can’t be thinking straight. You shouldn’t have gone to the crapper the last time, your IQ dropped another 48 points.
Smithy: I bet he only needed a half flush too

Laughter all around, until Bill throws a wayward right hook at Smithy and falls over, then Johnno picks Bill up and gets him another beer.

Johnno: So Balmain played Wests, Souths played Norths, Easts played Newtown and Glebe played Newcastle, how the bloody hell are you gonna get those mobs up against each other?
Bill: I don’t bloody know! I’m just throwing up an idea. I didn’t hear any of you complaining with my theory on relativity. Eh? EH? Yeah, idiots!
Mick: Yeah alright, we get the point. I say we bring back the 1908 rules.
Johnno: Does that include the original interchange rule as well?
Mick: I guess so, what was it?
Smithy: Did they have substitutes back then?
Bill: Nah, Don’t think so, I thought they only used a reserve if a bloke got injured and couldn’t play.
Mick: We’ll make that the rule then!
Smithy: Are you kidding? Today’s props would keel over and cark it!
Johnno: Hey, that would mean spear tackles and high tackles would also be allowed again.
Bill: Now that’s what the fans wanna see!
Smithy: The fans wanna see players being turned into cripples? You moron Bill, go and give yourself a dozen you idiot.

Bill swears loudly and throws another wayward right hook at Smithy before missing and punching Johnno’s schooner and spilling his beer all over the bar. Bill’s shout again.

Mick: You know what, I like this idea. We’re gonna bring back illegal tackles, the old jumpers, the old teams. It’s just like when we had to figure out a solution for the second world war. If I remember rightly, Johnno suggested an unlimited interchange for that one.
Johnno: Yeah, that’s right, the unlimited interchange. It was brought in far too late, by then Easts had dropped the H bomb on Balmain at Hiroshima and stuffed everything up.
Bill: You blokes are blind.
Smithy: I can still see you’ve got a head like a rotten pumpkin.

Bill swings with a right hook and connects this time, with the barman! He is consequently kicked out and last drinks are called.

Well there we have it, another productive meeting with the NRL decision makers. Looks like we’ll have to wait til happy hour next week for something more productive.