Sunday, 7 August 2011

Golf Day (2011)

Thank you for all coming boys. Today we will be playing golf. The player with the lowest score wins.

Anthony: Oh good!
Kevin: Someone took my favourite club.

Surely you have other clubs to use?

Kevin: Yeah I guess.
David: I don’t like golf. I don’t want to play

Why? What’s wrong David?

David: My cat died, I’m too sad to play

You have more cats though don’t you?

David: I have 17 other cats, but this cat was my favourite.
Des: Oh shut up, you’re always sooking! WHY CAN’T ANYONE BE HAPPY FOR A DAMN CHANGE!!

Calm down Dessie. Where’s your clubs?

Des: oh…uuummm, they broke. I was having a practice and they broke when I put them in the bag.

How could they break?

Des: The wind.

Tim, what’s wrong with you? Are you okay?

Tim: I hurt my foot…

How did…

Tim: ...and my hand. Some of my clubs are broken too.

Are you okay to play? How did your clubs get broken?

Tim: Yeah, I’ll be fine. I have some spare clubs from the back of the shed. Some are left handed and some are right handed, but they should all work

You’re a trooper Tim.
Where’s Wayne?

Wayne: Over here. Just organising my caddie

A caddie?

Wayne: Yeah, Nathan insisted. He even has a golf cart for me to use.

You’re not using a golf cart, or a caddie.

Wayne: But I’m so much better than everyone else. Surely I can get some sort of privileges?

Sorry Wayne, you don’t.
Has anyone finished a hole yet?

Craig: I have, I scored a 2.

On a par 5? That’s impressive Craig, well done

Stephen: He cheated! I saw him hit the ball 9 times! It’s not fair! I only have one good club and he has a bag full.
Craig: No I don’t. All my clubs are average

Craig, you do appear to have too many good clubs. Give some of them to the other players

Craig: Here you go John; you can have my Big Bertha oversize driver. It’s the best club
John: WOOOOOW! I’m going to win today!

Matt, why haven’t you hit your ball yet?

Matt: I just can’t seem to pick the slippery bugger up! Does anyone have a ball that isn’t slippery?

Come on Matt, concentrate, it’s really not that hard.

Matt: But it is, it really truly is! I have no idea how you guys do this.

Now Neil, how are you going? You weren’t very good last year.

Neil: This game is sooo easy, it’s been years since I played this well! I got one of Craig’s old clubs and it’s working a treat.

That’s great news! Glad to hear you are enjoying yourself

David: Wish I could enjoy myself.

Stuart, how are you going?

Stuart: Okay, I’ve had 3 eagle puts in a row, but every time I had to use the putter, I’ve hit the ball another 4 times and it ruins my score. I think Craig tampered with my clubs, and the course, and ….

Okay, that’s enough of that. I haven’t heard from Brian or Ivan yet. Where are they?

Anthony: Brian was around the back of the clubhouse

What is he doing there. I better go find him.
Brian! What are you doing?

Brian: I was thirsty, so I wanted a drink.

You can do that with the rest of us

Brian: Yeah but then I needed to go to the toilet, but I couldn’t find it.

It’s out the front with a ‘TOILET’ sign on it.
Are you drinking red cordial?

Brian: No! It’s blackcurrant juice.

That’s red cordial! Did you tip that out here hoping I wouldn’t see?

Brian: No, that’s where I went to the toilet.

Right, you’re going back on the bus! Oh stop crying!

Brian: *sobbing*I’m not crying, I’m relaxed and happy. *sniff*

Ivan, what are doing? Why aren’t you on the course?

Ivan: I can’t play without Stacey

You have most of Stephen’s clubs, surely you can do something with them.

Ivan: They don’t work, they’re all duds

Just have a go. I’ll be there shortly.
Carty? Why are you still on the bus?

Carty: There was some young hoodlum down there and he scared me. Young people scare me.

I see you have Kevin’s favourite club, can you give it back to him?

Carty: No, I’m keeping it.

Why do you lot take something easy and make it complicated?

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