The Wizard of Aus. (2011)

Once upon a time, in a world full of journalists brimming with integrity, honesty and professionalism; in the black and white days of sports writing when only facts were published, there was a wonderful game adored by all, called Rugby League.

There was also a little girl with a big imagination called Rebecca. She was a budding young sports writer who used to frolic in the sun kissed fields with her faithful puppy Philphil.

Then one fateful day, a monstrous tornado came along and turned their perfect lives upside down.

Rebecca frightened and scared, held onto her only friend, Philphil, while Mother Nature vented her awesome and mighty fury, before being knocked unconscious as her house was picked up and sucked into the powerful vortex, before being spat out.

Rebecca was swept away to a colourful new world, filled with hyperbole, innuendo, rumour, fabrications, half-truths, rhetoric and other wondrous new things filling her with fear and excitement, which she would never be able to purge herself of.

She was in a new world, detached from normal civilisation.

“We’re not in Sydney anymore Philphil.”

Rebecca decided to employ what little journalistic skills she had to ascertain how she would go about returning home. A nearby munchkin informed her that she needed to see the Wizard of Aus, as he is the only one capable of returning her to Sydney safely.

She soon found a yellow pathway leading to Emerald City and opted to follow it. She then saw what appeared to be a living scarecrow.

“Hello, my name is Rebecca, I’m from Sydney and I’m trying to find my way home, can you help?”

The scarecrow replied, “Hello, my name is Schubert, I’d like to help but alas, I have no brain!”

The scarecrow and Rebecca walked together further along the yellow road, before coming across what appeared to be a woodsman made of metal. Rebecca figured she would ask again for assistance.

“Hello, my name is Rebecca and this is my dog Philphil. We are lost and want to go back to Sydney, are you able to help?”

The metallic man replied, “Hello, my name is Gyngell, I don’t care much for your plight, as I have no heart.”

The Tin man however opted to join the Scarecrow, Rebecca and Philphil as they continued on their journey, until they met a talking lion.

“Hello, my name…”

The lion was startled by Rebecca’s voice, running away and hiding. Philphil went after the lion and coaxed him out of his hiding place.

“Sorry about that,” said the lion. “My name is Gallop, you frightened me.”

“But lions are powerful mighty beasts, the kings of the jungle,” remarked Rebecca.

“That may be so, however I have no courage,” revealed the timid Lion.

Rebecca revealed she sought the Wizard of Aus after being informed he could help her return home.

“Maybe he can help you all as well!”

Inspired by Rebecca’s hollow suggestion, they marched forth.

They finally reached Emerald City and managed to speak the Wizard of Aus. He explained that in order for him to assist them, they first have to kill the wicked witch of the west and return to Emerald City with her broomstick.

So they set off again and before too long, they were intercepted by the Wicked Gould of the West.

“I’ll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!”

Filled with fear and an ambiguous objective, Rebecca was captured and held captive by the witch, before Philphil, accompanied by the Scarecrow, Tin man and the Lion, managed to set her free after using their amazing ability to deceive.

A fortunately nearby placed bucket of water was picked up by an angered Rebecca, who emptied its contents on the evil witch.

“I’m melting! I’m melting! NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!” shrieked the evil witch, who literally melted and evaporated, leaving just a black hat, dress and broomstick.

Rebecca, now more confused, amazed, frightened and excited than ever before, wondered what more madness was in store, as she collected the broomstick and set forth for Emerald City

And so off she went, skipping and singing as though back in her past life, frolicking in fields heavily laden with flowers and innocence.

They sang and skipped along the golden bricked pathway, Rebecca’s heart full of hope that she and Philphil will soon be back home.

Sadly, Rebecca and Philphil never made it back to Sydney and still to this day, she continues writing wondrous and amazing stories of her stranger than fiction life in the fictional yet wonderful Land of Aus.